One of Life's Little Imperfections

This post has been hard for me to write, but I always promised myself that if I blogged I would be 100% honest, the good and the bad.  You know, it is easy to keep things light so to speak, but I have  quickly realized I am becoming a member of a very supportive community that I feel blessed to be part of that I can be completely myself with.

 As some of you know, I recently had a miscarriage.

 I didn't start this blog to discuss trying for a baby, but for fitness reasons and to share our lives, and that just happened to happen and is a very big part of our journey now--if you ask me. 

We weren't necessarily trying for a baby, it just kind of happened.  It was the blessing that wasn't and that is hard to accept at times.  I have so many people around me expecting babies right now and that makes it a tad bit harder to swallow.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, but wish I was that kind of happy, too. 

I will get to my point now, because I am rambling.  I have been working out and want to keep up with an intense routine to shed weight.  In all honestly, we weren't trying to get pregnant yet and big reason is because I want to lose weight first.  I don't want to start out overweight and then gain more with pregnancy, yada..yada..yada, and end up in a very overwhelmed and be in a place I feel unhappy and helpless as far as weight loss.  The thing about the miscarriage is it made me realize that I do want a baby, like more than I have wanted anything...and ladies, that is a scary feeling...wanting something that you can't just buy, etc.  My husband wants it equally bad.

  I just don't know what to do at this point.

Here is where my head goes in a million different directions:

• What if we have fertility issues, being the reason I had a miscarriage, and we put it off for me to lose weight and then we are set back that much farther in figuring out we have an issue?
• Should we just start trying and keep exercising and address it as needed based on what happens?
• I have read that intense exercise (anything over what you can comfortably talk and exercise) can be known to be associated with miscarriages, so should I alter my routine (which would probably result in little to no weight loss) and try? 
• Maybe I should just set a date for us to start trying a couple of months from now and where I am at in my weight loss journey is where I am, but at that time trying for a baby will take priority. 
• I could always get pregnant, continue to exercise, not gain that much weight and get it off after and I'm are over thinking this like everything else.
• Or, there could be no fertility issue, it was just something that unfortunately happened, and I have time to lose the weight and have a baby/ies...and I'm over thinking it.   

I'm driving myself crazy over here!

I know that no one can tell me what to do or make this decision for me, it is just a very odd place to be.   There are two different things I want at the same time and I don't want to do something that could compromise the health of a baby in the pursuit of the other.

For now, I will continue to think about it and keep up with my normal routine, because I feel really motivated at this point (thanks for all your support).