Okay, I decided to try to do this link up from my phone. Wish me luck and expect typos.
I am currently on vacation and can't help notice the feeling if funk that has come over me after the first two or three days. I say this because before vacation I was consistently losing weight and working out pretty intensely and actually enjoying it. {gasp}.
The first day we got out to go to a park I got dressed and walked by the mirror and for the first time in a long time didn't totally mind what I saw...
After a couple meals and no workouts I started to feel bloated and just ick in general which brought on all those feelings of worthlessness, etc. There is this thing about recovering from an eating disorder, you're never really better. And that knowledge has come front and center this trip. You see, I'm gonna be really honest I have really really been fighting the urge to make myself throw-up. It is like this automatic trigger for me, I feel full my instinct is to make that feeling stop. I don't have that healthy relationship with food where being full brings on a feeling of satisfaction...I actually hate the feeling of being full.
Don't you feel more normal now?
Anyways, I am trying to make healthy choices in food to combat those feelings.
I constantly battle with these feelings, it is like a battle for me everyday, but even more so when I feel like I am not in control of my eating, I.e. others wanting to eat out all the time, etc.
It really is like an ugly demon that peeks its head just when you think you have a handle, just when you think you are completely better. The thing is, you're never really better...and that is something I am going to have to deal with. I promised if I blogged I would always be honest, and there it is, dysfunction and all.
I have realized that I need to do a post on my history with an eating disorder and all that came with it so my readers with bave a better handle on my journey, and I plan to when I get back from vacation, but if you want a little more insight now you can read "My Story".
So here is my question...how do you handle vacation and dieting?
Do you just let yourself enjoy? Or do you try to moderate?
So, sorry I didn't weigh in, but thought I would share my current weight loss experience.
You're so brave to share all of this! I just got back from vacation myself and was feeling the same way, just plain gross. It's also so hard when my friends' and my main source of entertainment is to go out to eat or for drinks! I'm a total foodie. On vacations I think it's a combination: let yourself enjoy, but in moderation! It's ok to feel full :)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, congrats on staying strong and fighting your urges. You know deep down what is good for you, and you listened to yourself!
ReplyDeleteI don't really diet when I'm on vacation, but I do make it a point to try to squeeze in a few runs. If I can't run, and I'm feeling blah, try your best to eat clean. Eat some salads and have hot tea with lemon. You are ALWAYS in control of your eating, no matter where you are.
I feel for you girl. Enjoy your vacation, you look fabulous!
You are so strong to share your story! You look amazing and maybe it will help your negative feelings to know that you are truly an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteSo impressed that you linked up and posted while on vacation! I typically take the mindset of eating what I want and not moderating too much. After the past few events and vacations I've realized that I NEED to keep track of things, still enjoy myself but not undo all of my handwork.
ReplyDeleteI had very disordered eating as a teen (I hesitate to say eating disorder because I was never diagnosed or treated) so I can relate. You are so brave and inspiring to share your story. I'm sure writing it all out will help not only you but someone else who is struggling with the same thing. I think things do get better eventually but it might not truly ever go away. I hope you find relief from those feelings. For now, just enjoy your vacation!
Hang tough, love. x
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